Holiday Parody — Jingle Bells

Father-Christmas1

 

Continuing with the holiday theme, here’s a fun poem set to the tune of Jingle Bells. Sorry, but I couldn’t find an instrumental version to play in the background, so please feel free to hum along.

 

JINGLE BELLS Parody

Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Gingerbread tastes great,
Specially at grandma’s house on a big red Christmas plate.
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Gingerbread tastes great,
Specially at grandma’s house on a big red Christmas plate.

Sophie Elf

Sophie Elf

Sliding through the snow, dogs pulling on their leads,
Yes, with me in tow, my feet frozen indeed.
Eager, yes they are–
To get to grandma’s place,
It is almost as if they know
She’s making them a steak!
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Gingerbread smells great,
Specially at grandma’s house on a big red Christmas plate.
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Dogs’ smelling’s so acute,
While I do wish that just for once I could punch them in the snoot.

Dashie deer

Dashie-deer

Down a hill we slide, a boulder coming fast,
With no place to hide, I fear that we might crash.
Dash pulls to the left, Sophie to the right,
Before I know it, there I am, beginning to take flight!
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Gingerbread tastes great,
I dearly wish I could grow wings but I fear that it’s too late.
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s hell,
Grandma’s seems so far,
With no wings, snow shoes or skis, I wish I had the car.

Down crash I at last, with a great thud and a bounce,
The boulder we have passed, but my head is mighty jounced.
And though my back it aches, and likewise does my bum,
I smell my grandma’s Christmas cakes, laced heavily with rum.
Oh!
Jingle bells, splints are swell,
Iodine smells great,
Crutches work especially well, and it seems that they’re my fate.
Oh!
Jingle bells, splints are swell,
I feel pretty dumb,
But I would feel much better if I had my grandma’s rum.

The dogs they race for home, leaving me right quick,
Stiff as a garden gnome, stranded like Moby Dick.
I’d like to get home fast, and crawl into my bed,
But all I see are sugarplums, they’re spinning in my head!
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
Gingerbread tastes great,
Specially at grandma’s house on a big red Christmas plate.
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s hell.
Ginger tea would do,
I wish I’d stayed indoors this morn for I’ve come this day to rue.
Oh!
Jingle bells, snowfall’s swell,
I’m stuck in pine and yew,
No matter what becomes of me, Merry Christmas all of you.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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